


Settling

by TheonSugden



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alcohol, Gen, M/M, drug dealing mention, inference of attempted rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 05:59:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3279362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheonSugden/pseuds/TheonSugden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron and Chas talk about men and the best you can expect to get.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Settling

Aaron barely knew James Barton, but he seemed like a nice enough bloke.  He was safe and solid and…there. He’d seen his mam’s worst in men and knew James couldn’t compare.

Sometimes he found himself seeing John in James’ place, especially at the farm with Adam. Seeing them together still didn’t feel right. He couldn’t imagine how hard it had been for Adam, having a new dad, learning his life had been a sad lie, and worst of all, having no one to really blame. 

When he heard about the accident, he’d barely reacted. He should’ve been more upset than he was…maybe Jackson had numbed him. Or maybe he’d been numb from the start. He hoped he wasn’t such a selfish git that…that everything with Robert had taken up so much space in his head.

He felt guilty enough to stop into the back room, two beers in hand, ready for one of those mother-son talks he both looked forward to and dreaded.

"Oh, hi Aaron," Chas replied, quietly. Her hair was in a ponytail, or a rushed attempt at one, and her knees were up on the sofa, shoes kicked far away. 

Aaron thought she looked like a teenage girl…knew some part of her had never stopped being one.

"Thought you might be at hospital," Aaron muttered, plopping down beside her.

"Doctors said he needed rest. I’m never too good at quiet and peace, y’know."

Aaron smiled, a little proudly. He knew.

She took the beer in his hand, allowing herself a few swigs.

"Wanna give your mam a cuddle?"

Aaron’s disgusted reaction produced a smug smile.

"Nice to see the old Aaron’s still in there somewhere."

Aaron shrugged defensively.

"Just cause I’m not dealin’ pills doesn’t mean…"

Chas leaned over, desperately patting his hand and arm.

"No, no, luv! I’m happy! I’m so so happy. Was always proud of you, but seein’ you start your own business, always there for people like Adam even when they don’t deserve it…"

"Mam."

"Sorry, luv. Just tryin’ to say it’s good to see you grow up. Wish I had when I was your age."

Aaron flinched, wondering how many hotel rooms she’d snuck out of when she’d been his age. 

"And I hope you find somebody who’ll treat you right. Who deserves you."

"Like James?" he asked, offhandedly. 

Chas paused, hiding behind her beer. 

"Sure. He’s a good man. Went to the cops in my place when you first got back. Never expected him to…meant a lot to me. He’s a good man."

_But…_

"Do you love him?"

Chas seemed surprised at the question, almost as if she hadn’t ever considered herself. 

"Maybe. Down the road. I…I don’t do well with love. I try not to make it a priority, if you know what I mean. Not at my age."

"It’s not like you’re 80."

Chas laughed, wiggling her toes. “Tell that to my feet most nights after closing. Nah, son. Love and me aren’t a good mix.”

She stared at the rapidly diminishing contents of her booze, swishing them around like her fortune was waiting to be told.

"Tell ya the truth, I’ve only ever really loved one man. And it hurt me so much…what he did to me. Hurts that even now, I still think about him, what he coulda been, what we coulda been."

He knew she was talking about Carl King, the complete and total arsehole she’d wasted nearly a decade cheating with and being cheated on by. Aaron wished he’d killed the fucker himself.  

The old Aaron, and the Aaron she seemed to be expecting from the slightly scared way she was looking at him, would have torn her apart for her stupidity and lack of self-respect.

The new Aaron wondered if he’d be the same way with Robert, ten years later, sitting on a sofa treating him as the man that got away. 

Robert wasn’t like Carl. He’d never be like Carl. Never.

And Aaron. Aaron couldn’t be like his mother. He couldn’t…

"You don’t have to get scared, Mum," Aaron said, softly. "I’m not gonna pop off. Can’t control who you…who you love. Loved. He’s rottin’ away and you’re happy and free, right?"

Chas swigged down the last of her drink. She didn’t say anything for a while. 

Finally, she jumped up, clapping her hands together like she was opening a funfair.

"Today’s been a good day, lad! My man’s made it through, my other man’s safe and sound right by my side. I’m gonna go pop some popcorn and we’ll watch that box set of Call the Midwife you love so much."

Aaron laughed, as he’d never even seen the show, but knew his mother was obsessed with it and blabbed about it with any punter she could find. 

"Why don’t you find the DVD and I’ll start the popcorn, alright?"

Chas hesitated.

"Promise I won’t burn down the kitchen."

She smiled back, waving him off.

"Fine. I’ll save ya a seat, OK?"

He looked over at the beat up sofa, trying not to think of the past or future, just trying to get through.

"Mum…don’t mess it up with James, but…don’t just settle either. Promise?"

Chas was quiet now, DVD still clutched in her hand. 

"Luv, sometimes settling’s the best you can get," she whispered, reluctantly, solemnly, her mask left behind to show the scared girl she still was.

Aaron went to the kitchen, hands gripping the counter. He knew she was right, knew he had to either take what Robert was offering or get nothing at all.

He looked down at his white hands and their death grip on the wood panel.

"I can’t, Mum. I can’t do it."

On that, past, present and future Aaron were one.


End file.
